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I recently came back from a jog. It’s surprising to admit this fact. I believe it might have been a decade since the previous time. However It came to my attention that my levels show slightly high cholesterol, and I’ve been advised to do sweaty exercise frequently.

For the first time ever in my life that the driving force to work out has been my physical health. In my youth, I jogged because I aimed to slim down. I’ve also run to cure my anxiety – It was an avoidance tactic from the anxiety, not addressing it. On other occasions, I ran because I wanted to improve at running. That represented the definition to me then to develop a superior lifestyle.

Running for a different reason now sparked reflection about the approaches I’ve connected with my physical self throughout my life and how this is changing as I progress from early adulthood to midlife. I believe not I’ve honored my physical form, not deep down. I’ve appreciated it just for its functions and the purposes it fulfilled for me: aiming to appeal; dodging sentiments; running a faster five kilometers. Previously, I’ve not understood that my body is me, it is my life, rather than an instrument for achievements.

A lot has been written for ages about the separation of mind and body – a topic it’s reassuring to know, I won’t summarize in this piece. What has struck me most fascinating is Sigmund Freud’s view that mental and physical selves are innately connected right from the start, because physical development demands psychological development and conversely. A baby’s bodily experiences – for example the corporeal experience of hunger – propel the mind to cultivate the skill to recognise hunger as a sensation that is alleviated by nourishment; and the psychological solace and satisfaction consistently provided by repeated nourishment feeds the child’s mind just as the milk fuels them corporally. Likewise mental events – like the wish to rise and reach for something, and the determination to persist through effort – are why and how the body develops power. Since infancy, our body and mind are intertwined in shared growth as unified as a spiral.

However I’ve observed, in sessions with my therapist, that my consciousness and physique might experience a different kind of relationship – a less unified and more exploitative. My mind can use my body to retain and express things that my consciousness deems unacceptable or unacceptable. In my sessions we’ve become aware that exist specific feelings that I am afraid I can’t handle; rather than sensing them mentally, I unconsciously push them into my body, becoming trapped as physical symptoms.

I used to get this with indigestion – not connected to what I’d eaten, but represented a form of corporeal reaction of the sharper sentiments I failed to handle in my mind. This wasn’t a conscious choice, but after it was introduced to my attention through therapy, and my fear and sensitivity and rage and terror became palpable and put into words rather than transformed into corporeal symptoms, it vanished. It’s uncommon for me with digestive issues currently.

The toughest period I endured this intense reflux, I was unable to sleep for several nights in a row. I believed I was losing my mental stability. I consulted my doctor, who arranged multiple examinations and assessments, but there was nothing physically wrong. It turned out to be an alternate medic who informed me that the cause might be mental. My therapist did not disagree. I was surprised, but I also felt it to be true.

When a patient experiences a corporeal problem, they might feel insulted if told that there might be a mental root. They might feel as invalidation, the idea that their illness isn’t real. Certainly such cases occur – some face their suffering ignored or incorrectly identified. Yet occasionally it could be that the physical symptoms exist – no question – and the origin is mental, the subconscious using the physique to convey emotional hurt or rage or whatever emotion the conscious self fails to handle. Sometimes, we might assume our emotions only has value only through expression through the body. We often undervalue our psychological well-being on a personal level, in social contexts and culturally; how else can we allow the shocking killing-off of mental health treatments through health services?

Personal insights have taught me that a better life cannot be built if we remain trapped unconsciously in modes of connection, within ourselves and in relationships, that stem from disregard, exploitation and transaction. These interactions are often easier to spot “out there” in the general public. It’s likely less comfortable to consider how they got out there, and to recognise these patterns inside us and within our closest relationships, in the economy of our psyches.

Yet persistence pays off. When I put my jogging shoes again after such a long decade, going outside not to get physical improvement, or to get rid of a feeling, or to surpass a personal best, {it